Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Hawaii Part 2 | Getting There & Getting There & Getting There

Nothing out of the ordinary with the 10 mile trip to National Airport. We hear about some winter weather in the  midwest but don't pay attention. We were enjoying no traffic on 395. That is what the locals call it. Screening was a breeze at 0630 on a Saturday and before long we were on our way to the gate. I was stopped by a young lady who noticed my rod tube on the day pack. We briefly discussed fly reels. I told her the best bang for her buck would be the Orvis Mid-Arbor reel. Solid tool. I promptly filled up my Nalgene at the Ronald's Place soda fountain with water. As we waited at the gate I cold not help but stare at this mom near us. She was feeding her kids in an almost avian way. Except she was not regurgitating the food into their gullets. This mom was putting Ronald's Place egg mcmuffins down their mouths in a fashion I could only compare to one putting nickles in a parking meeter for a day long event. Where did these toddlers put all that crap? The next thing I noticed was THW reading The Onion news paper with a full 'spread' of boobs. (btw, drinking warm Stella is not pleasant. I should have planned better last night and put some in the fridge from the THW's parent's basement.)

So we are on the flight and I'm reading up on Zach Matthew's article on drift boats. I have to give Zach some props for having a full page like spread of the Alumaweld drift boat heading down some choppy rapids. Thats my boat y'all! Soon we here the pilot announce there is snows in the Minnieapple-less. We circle for about an hour or two and I'm getting restless. I have not eaten yet cept for some peanuts on the flight and my ration of Ronald's water. We need fuel and head to Wisconsin. We all de-board and I head straight to the bar. I took advice from good friend Mike Sarnofsky. He educated me about the wonders of an airport Long Island Iced Tea. Now my recipe calls for 1oz of whisky-rum-tequila-gin-tripple sec-vodka-sour mix-coke over ice. The lady used top shelf of almost all of those and it was in one of those Bennigans size pint glasses. I charged my ipod battery while I drank that and ate a huge club sandwich that looked to have been battered in lard and cooked on a grill made of butter. The plane was fueled and we were shortly off to Minnesota. Wait for it.....Ok we land in Mn and the Ipod is dying. I watched one movie and caught up with 30 rock since National and this thing won't last me across the Pacific :(  .

I friggin sprint with my bags from one side of the terminal to the other. Our plane to Oahu had already taken off and there was one more flight out west for the entire day. We had to get on that flight. I ran down that flat escalator thing, past people, through groups, dodging human flotsam and jetsom. I get to the gate and they are boarding. I get in line and gulp for air like a beached fish. The lady's at the desk are totally flustered with everyone trying to get on the flight. At least I am in line and THW arrives with her luggage. We switch spots and I go to charge the Ipods. THW is up to the front with 6 people already getting on. I get up there to meet her and help out and thats when the shits hits the fans. Guess who shows up out of nowwhere? Meter mouth feeding mom. This lady starts the bitching rants of all bitching rants. I sat back to enjoy. She goes off on how she, her peckerless husband (though he must have provided some seed to the equation) and her 3 kids just arrived and how I cut them off. In fact I was there before them as I saw them all arrive on a glamorized golf cart while I was charging the Ipods. She goes off on how she HAS to get on this flight. That she MUST be on the flight with her 3 kids and her peen. That she has been waiting for ever and I cut in line in front of everyone. She is spitting and I think I see some Ronalds baccon land on the kiosk. By now everyone in line is looking at this lady spewing fire from her mouth and smoke from ears. The ticket lady says that she is having computer trouble and helping everyone and to be patient. Then the lady looses it and the profanity starts to come out. We get an 'fuck this' and a 'fuck that' and some 'bullshit' thrown in. By now we all realize she is not going anywhere with that mouth and she is shit out of luck. She thinks she still has a chance, gets on her blackberry, bitches out her eunuch or eunich (sp?) husband. The desk lady says there are two more seats and has computer issues so writes down our seat numbers with no boarding pass and shovels us on the flight. Nice. We are off to .................San Francisco. But first we have to wait for the 40+ planes ahead of us to take off and be de-iced. And for us to be de-iced too.

We land in San Fran at sunset and its a great flight in. We all have to get off the plane so they can switch crews. Why we have to get off I don't know. We all deplane and I start charging electronics again. THW is in line to get out boarding passes since we don't have one from the flight there. After 30+ minutes and everyone back on the plane they still don't have passes for us. We are the last ones there. Computers are down and they say fuck it and just tell us to get on the plane and sit where its open. I end up next to a lady who was like a Muppet and THW on the other side. We land in Oahu with no luggage at 9:30pm and head to the hotel.

We drop our bags (that means no clothes for me, a day pack full of flies, reels, a rod, hemostats, and camera gear) and go grab food at the ABC


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